Diary of GIR
by Diesel
Summary: Dare you delve into the mind of the robot named GIR? Dare you read all three entries? DARE YOU FIND OUT WHAT YOU DARED TO FIND OUT?!?!
1. entry one

You pick up the eletronic journal device sitting on the desk in front of you. You turn it on, and see 'diary of gir' flash on the screen, blurry, but still fairly readable. The button 'first entry' practically cries out for you to press it. Without a moment's hesitation, you press the button and delve into the secrets in the mind of the robot that is GIR...   
  
  
-- entry one --   
  
i'm new to this. . . universe-y. . . thingie. i am special! i don't look like the other sirs. or rather, they don't look like me. i think i'm cuter than them. ugly sir units. blech. they should all be cute and snuggly. but none of them are. not even me. how can you expect to gather useful stuff if nobody wants to hug you? it just doesn't happen. nobody hugs me.   
  
my master, zim, is so mean. from the very first moment, i had a feeling that he didn't like me. he said i looked 'kind of not good'. that isn't a very nice thing to say. 'gir, reporting for duty' i said. after that i hoped of 'pleasure to have you aboard' or something like that. but no. 'what's the g stand for', that's what i got. how the heck am i gonna know, i was just 'born'! nobody told me yet, so why would he think i knew? stupid green head irken. i think that's what they said they are. irken. and all irkens have shiny eyes. they're pretty. like sugar wafers. those are good.   
  
i'm not looking forward to this trip at all. i'll have to find a way to keep myself busy on the way to planet we'll be taking over. maybe i can get something to read from the 'how to take over a planet' thing across from the convention dome. then again, i don't really like reading. i like candy better. but anyhow, i'd rather not have to stare at black sky or zim's bloaty green head the whole way. oh wait, i'm sorry. i meant to say 'my master's bloaty green head'.   
  
bye bye diary.   
[gir]   
  
  
  
Please let me know what you think! E-mail, read, review, etc! And visit Galactic Conquest! http://conquest.filetap.com


	2. entry two

-- entry two --  
  
i want to be a singer. i made my first song. i called it 'the doom song'. i hope master likes it. . . but i don't think he will. he doesn't like anything that i do, not even my bouncy-head dance that i did for him. there's a feeling down in my tummy telling me to wait to fit it into what we're talking about. master seems to really like doom, so it won't take long. it took me six months to compose. if he doesn't like it, that's just too bad, because i'm his in-flight entertainment. i will sing and he will listen, but i can't find his ears. i can't find mine either. . . i. . . have no ears. . . i want to fly with big ears that can flap like giant monsters that can flap big ears that make them fly. is that too much to ask? i've never seen anything fly with their ears before. maybe i can be the first. gir the ear-flapping genius robot of irk. then i could make my master smell bad by ear-flying above his head and dropping poop on him. it would make me happy to see him all poopy. maybe then i could stop being sad and mad for long enough to use the shift key. but the shift key, it makes me mad, too. i have no ears and i can't poop, so i will stay so mad mad mad.  
  
the mission. . . it makes me crave curly fries with chocolate syrup. the curly fries from the great assigning made me so sick. throwing up is fun, because you can eat again. some things taste better the second time you eat them. i made curly fry soup when i got sick. it didn't taste too bad. i have to go now, master is calling, so i need to turn on my red eyes so he thinks i'm actually paying attention. a six-month flight with bloaty-head, can you feel my excitement?  
  
luv  
[gir]  
  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
I know it took a REALLY long time for this. I'm really sorry! I hope it was worth the wait. Reviews, feedback, anything! Even muffins! I could really go for a muffin right now, actually...  
  
Visit Galactic Conquest!!!  
http://conquest.filetap.com  
(Soon we are moving!)  
  
Next update will probably be up either this week or next. I'm feeling crazy lately... and creative. Uh oh, I'm dangerous. *picks his keyboard apart with tweezers and throws his keys at you* I AM THE KEYMASTER!!! 


	3. entry three

-- entry three --  
  
i sang my song. it took just as long to sing as it did to create. he did listen after all. i still can't find his ears. he drools when he listens to me sing. my voice must be so sexy. he asked me to stop singing. . . he couldn't take any more of my sexiness! yuck, thinking about being sexy for bloaty-head scares me a lot. . . i shouldn't think about these kind of things.  
  
some big round thing is getting close. master called it earth. it looks like a blue marble with mold on it. the pretty kind of mold that you see in toilets after five months. i hope it doesn't smell like that. maybe 'earth' is another word for 'poopy'. i know that fart means stinky. earth is a stinky blue marble with toilet mold. but what is the white stuff there? it looks fluffy. maybe it's smelly. earth fart!  
  
when we land i want to tell master about my lifelong dream. i want to be a mongoose. i don't know what it is yet, but how could something with such a neat name be any less huggable than a spider? i like spiders. they suck the guts out of flies. i want to suck the guts out of them too. they're so tiny. . . i should try it on something bigger. the green head of my master is looking tasty to me. tasty like an earth fart. as long as earth doesn't fart in my mouth. can i fart too?  
  
. . . i've been jipped again. i have no butt either. no ears. . . no butt. . . what else am i missing that i don't know about? i want to fart but i have no butt. at least i can scream. i'll make farty sounds with my mouth. earth farty sounds. i am the buttless robot, and i have earth farty!!!  
  
[gir] 


End file.
